When I woke up, I felt like there was something broken that I had not seen or felt yet. This day, I didn’t have anything and that felt worse than the day before. I stared at the ceiling from my couch and wondered what my next steps should be. I knew from the letters piling up on the table that I needed to make my decision quickly. I decided to get dressed and walk the streets of the city for a bit looking for a help wanted sign. I might not be able to find what I was looking for but I would be able to find something.

The effort it took to pull myself off the couch was significant. The bruising along my ribs was a bright purple and green. I walked myself to the refrigerator and opened up the icebox. There was a bit of ice in the tray so I used it to throw together a makeshift ice pack and taped it along my ribs. The cold of the ice felt good against my skin. I put on a shirt and struggled to dress myself. 

Once dressed I looked at my apartment and made sure I wasn’t leaving any lights on. I was ducking the landlord a lot lately and I didn’t want to give the false impression that I was home. I opened the door and stepped out into the hall. The musty smell of the hallway mixed with dust made me sneeze. After I struggled my way to the entrance of the apartment building I made my way out into the city. 

It took quite a bit to feel more comfortable as I walked. My limp briefly worked its way through the more I was able to keep moving. The slight pain in my legs and the constant pressure on my chest remained. Around the corner stood a man smoking a cigarette. The smell of the tobacco assaulted my nostrils as I walked by.

“Have any change you can spare?” He asked as I walked by.

“I’m sorry. I barely have enough for myself these days.” I said keeping my eyes faced forward.

His outstretched hand dropped to his side and he started to walk in the other direction. The sky was overcast and threatening to open up. I tried to focus on my task for the day. Looking for job postings. Each step I took felt like a slight improvement over the last. I reached into my wallet to look at what I had for cash on hand. It looked like only a couple bucks. 

I put my wallet back into my pocket and made my way back to looking into store front windows. I remembered doing this when I originally moved out into the city to get my bearings. The excitement of the new storefronts. The new atmosphere. I was a rural, small town, boy. Made my way from the backroads of nowhere and had big dreams of making my way. 

Of course when you think city, you think New York. That’s where you want to be. The sounds. The people. The atmosphere. This was where you needed to be if you needed to be anywhere. 

I moved out here with my savings account in a good place and hopes and dreams that could make your eyes shine. I started work in a startup after college and the owner made the decision that he was going to sell right after I’d moved out here. 

The buyers wanted the name. They didn’t want the location. The web platform was enough and was an easy integration into their current business model, so there was a series of layoffs for our entire office staff. Some were able to land on their feet finding jobs in other companies. Others had to leave the city all together. I’ve always felt like my pride was that in spite of the struggles I was in the city to make my dream come true. 

After an additional six months, I finally hit my job hopping wall. I had taken up a series of part time and temporary jobs to barely feed myself and keep a roof over my head. I thought this last interview was my stroke of good luck but with that behind me, I’m back on the hunt regardless of being in a deficit. 

I had my usual stomping grounds. I would look for food delivery jobs first. I still had a bike but it was a little beat up. It was better than nothing and traveling in the city to deliver food really took a light mode of transportation rather than a car. Traffic around town was terrible and bumper to bumper most days. So being able to get from point A to point B quickly was the most important piece. If that didn’t work out, my next choice was waiter, Something, bar back or just bartender jobs. They might not have been higher paying but I was going for tips. Something that allowed me to make money quickly in a short amount of time.

It was getting more and more difficult to find jobs quickly. The next thing I always looked for was events or catering. Short term, quick in and out and got me at least something. The most important piece was a bit of free food. It cut down on the overall food expenses. 

The issue was that in a city like New York, workers were a dime a dozen and after Covid hit the city, the job market was taking its time. Some days were better than others but if I could find a job that allowed me to start today that was fantastic. 

So far my hunt was not turning up any results. It was starting to get towards noon time. The day was starting to get away from me and I needed to keep moving. I decided to take a right down an upcoming street. My eyes were downtrodden as I was paying attention to the pain in my chest and focusing on walking. At the last moment I saw a woman’s foot just appear in view just as we collided. 

The pain shot through my chest as I fell to the ground. I hit the ground with a thud. I shut my eyes as I grabbed my head to do a check to make sure I was okay. 

“Neil!?” The voice of the woman asked.